Rested Feet, Heavy Heart

I had no idea what I was in for when I added running to my life. Many things were to be expected, but loving it was not one of them. And love it I do.

This is news to me. I didn't realize just how much I love it, until I was told to stop.

The pain and associated issues I'd been experiencing with my legs was continuously explained away by many fellow runners as shin splints. As the pain worsened (to excrutiating) and I began to have more trouble walking, going up and down stairs, standing up, and (the final straw) holding my baby girl, I decided a visit to the doctor was warranted.

I was given a diagnosis of stress fractures, to be confirmed (or my hope was unconfirmed) by a bone scan. I was told to stop running and that the Half Marathon would not be an option. I expected it to take weeks to get in for the bone scan and began to contemplate my options.

If stress fractures were not yet confirmed, perhaps I could cross train my heart out until race day then do the best run I could, hoping my bones had healed enough to withstand and my cardio could keep up. This as not a practical or sensible way of thinking. But the only thought in my mind was: I AM NOT GIVING UP ON THIS RUN.

The hospital phoned the very next day and asked if I could come in the following morning. Being injected with radioactive something or other was intimidating to me. I know it is a small amount and totally harmless and medically necessary, etc. but that didn't change the fact that they were injecting me with something that would not make it possible to nurse my daugher for 24-48 hours. (My daughter who has taken a number of bottles I could count on one or two hands since she was born). I did have brief moments of fun with the thought tossing comments to my husband every so often like "maybe I'll glow at night...".

The bone scan was a long process as I had to be injected, get scanned, wait a few hours, then return for another (longer) scan. The tech. that completed it was very nice and indicated to me that there did seem to be fractures but to be sure to wait for the "official results" from my doctor.

I felt broken. Not just in my legs, but all over. I still had hope that I could rest for maybe a week and would be miraculously healed by the time I had to go over the results with my doctor and she would clear me for take off. It's been a week. My legs are still in pain, causing incredible discomfort, and my scan results have not been sent to the doctor's office yet.

My feet are rested, but my heart is heavy. However, after the initial whirlwind of emotions that went along with this hurdle (not to mention tears into my husband's waiting arms), I am starting to feel positive. I did not give up on this run or quit. I am simply putting my health and well being first. One of the reasons I began running was to improve and maintain my health and well being. Why would I jeopardize that now?

I thank my husband for helping me realize that. In talks with him, I came to realize that nothing is being taken away from me... my Half Marathon run is just postponed. And that is okay. It will happen and I can look forward to it all over again. Once I heal, I will get back out there, and I will reach my goal of completing a Half Marathon. This run, just wasn't mine.